Just when I’d told you I was taking a break from blogging, this thing needed to be blogged. *Note: I recognize that I am a fool and did things wrong in this interaction. That’s why it’s funny.
I don’t understand the Facebook.
When I say that, I mean that my understanding of Facebook is probably similar to a 68 yr old person’s understanding of it.
Here’s the story… I opened up the Facebook, and in my notification box, there was a thing telling me that a girl I don’t actually talk to or even follow had invited me to something.
A Facebook-literate person probably would have looked at the invitation and realized that it was really an attempt to get me to “like” a page so that she could ultimately make money. It was a tactic. It was, “I’m using the word invitation to make it seem like I like you and want to hang out with you, when in reality I just want you to click a button for me so that your newsfeed will get other people to click over to this page and possibly buy something. I’m not actually inviting you to do anything that anyone wants to be invited to do…”
In hindsight, of course that’s what this thing was. In the moment, I totally didn’t get it.
I clicked on the invitation that took me to a page called something like “Wrap it and Frap it.”
I did not understand what I was looking at, but after reading and looking at the pictures of women’s bellies – the consistency of cottage cheese labeled BEFORE… and all Baywatch AFTER – I realized the invitation had something to do with some sort of health miracle wrap that people put around their fat waists… and coffee. I researched the wraps on WebMD, and they basically claim to make you lose weight, but are a waste of money. WebMD says that they may make people look thinner for a day or two, but it’s all water weight, and there are no documented and noteworthy health benefits in any of the wraps people buy and sell.
I went back to the invitation, which, at this point, I thought was to some sort of party where the girl who invited me would try to sell me a wrap, or possibly everyone in attendance would buy and wear the wraps at the party, and then we would drink coffee. With all of the crazy Botox parties nowadays, I genuinely thought I was being asked to hang out with a bunch of ladies I didn’t know, having the water sucked out of my body, talking about how great I’d look and feel when we were done, and paying money to do so.
I found this insulting on about 18 different levels, so I wrote a comment on the page that went something like, “I can’t tell if you think I’m fat, think I think I’m fat, think all women are fat, or what… regardless, I’m going to keep running marathons when I want to lose weight and would like not to be included in things like this in the future.”
This comment, which I didn’t think was all that offensive, and was purely just my rsvp to the invitation, evidently was really offensive. I never think what I’m saying is offensive until others explain it to me. Okay, I knew it was a little offensive, but I thought I was doing a public service by letting this girl know that trying to sell your friends anything that will make them look skinnier is the equivalent of calling them fat. It’s the same as buying them bathroom scales for their birthdays.
In addition to my self-aggrandizing view of my offensive comment, I assumed that this girl knew she would get a few really negative responses to this product, because, well… it’s the kind of thing people like to make fun of. Just last week, a friend made fun of a corset thing celebrities use to try to look thinner. I thought the “Wrap it and Frap it” girl knew that selling anything inherently elicits negative responses.
In hindsight, I realize that this girl has zero work experience and almost no life experience outside of the home and church. She really didn’t know trying to sell things to people sometimes bothers them, and she really didn’t know that people past a certain life stage have submitted to the truth that they will either eat, lay around on the couch, and be fat, OR they will give up foods and couch time enough to lose some pounds. At any given time, complete joy can be achieved through either strategy depending on other life factors. However, people generally stop believing in quick-fixes to the fat problem when they reach… well, about the age this girl is currently at.
It took a few back-and-forths before this interaction turned into a full-out shit-storm, but, of course, it did turn into one.
The girl just kept being all, “Hey – buy the products I’m selling! They’re great! They aren’t about fat; they’re about health. They tighten and tone the skin! Stop being a mean person! Why (attempted rhetorical question)…?”
And I kept being all, “Stop trying to sell to me. My answer to your rhetorical question is actually that I hate these wraps because I think they perpetuate unrealistic standards of hottness and they have no health benefits. Please just don’t include me in the future.”
Also, I kept thinking, but did not write: “Are you really under the impression that tighter and toned skin are related to health in any way that’s more than skin-deep?” (Aren’t I clever?) and “If my skin is tighter, will I live longer? Will I have a lower risk of getting Cancer? Will my tight skin improve my cardiovascular health and decrease my marathon time?” I promise I didn’t get sarcastic like that.
Then, the girl was all, “I’m sorry you have such a negative opinion of me and this company.”
Then, like a teenager about to go into her room and slam the door, she rapid-fired three or four angry comments.
Lastly, she ended with sarcasm and de-friended me.
In retrospect, I wonder if it would have been easier just to click, “Like” and move on to a video of the unlikely friendship between an elephant and a dog…