Life Update #93


1. I’m happier. It’s a mysterious thing to wake up one day and discover that everything is ok when it seemed the opposite of that. I credit a large portion of the turnaround to running in sandals and reading the book BORN TO RUN. I don’t exactly know why or how, but I’ve come to love running after five years of torturing myself with it. Now, granted, I’m not sure about the whole marathon thing I’ve signed up to do on May 31st, but running 8 miles or so, even in the early morning, is just about my favorite thing right now.

2. So, church is often difficult. I think just about everyone knows that. However, I sometimes force myself into believing there’s something wrong with me when I don’t love it, or when I skip a Sunday. Midtown is definitely the perfect church for me, and my lethargy is not at all a reflection of Midtown. It’s just that achy feeling that comes with caring and wanting… However, quitting Surge has helped with that, because I don’t feel quite as much like I have to do or be something specific, regardless of how it might conflict with what I actually am. I also miss reading books I want to read, rather than ones assigned to me.

3. I’m still querying the manuscript, and I think being finished with it has eased some stress. I’m super-slow with querying it, though, so don’t get your hopes up just yet. Also in the writing category – I’m considering not starting my next manuscript until after this summer. I may take a solo road trip for a few weeks, following my whim, which is a lovely thought, and helpful with the not feeling depressed.

4. Work stuff is far more challenging (in a good way) than it’s ever been. Secretary duties are still rolling out slowly, and the changes in how people treat me catch me off-guard, but I’m enjoying the humbling experience. For instance, there was some interpersonal conflict that I got thrown into the middle of (regardless of having actually nothing to do with it really at all) this week, and just when I was at my most judgmental… oh-so-very sure that everyone except for me was very silly, I discovered that the conflict was caused by some incredibly noble and admirable choices by one person. I also discovered that the person who seemed most reasonable and kind was actually the one who was least reasonable and kind. Consequently, I discovered that I ought to probably trust in the experience and intentions of my fellow leaders… and I found myself running up against that same wall of I-hate-feeling-vulnerable-!-!-! that seems to be my Achilles’ Heel. I thought I’d talked myself through that one by now, but evidently not.

5. I’ve been super-busy. I don’t know why I am this way, but I very clearly disengage sometimes, and then years go by before I re-engage, and I don’t even realize I’ve re-engaged until someone expects something of me and my brain starts being all, “Who are you to expect anything of me?” and then my brain follows up with, “Oh shit! You have every right to expect that of me! I better get my ass in-gear!”

6. The Hilsts moving has shaken my brain up a little bit. I’m sad to see them go, and it often doesn’t seem real, because, even though I have other friends who are equally as close with me as the HIlsts, it’s a loss that I don’t want to experience. We will see one another, and I suspect Ashly will still be the first person I turn to when I’ve had too much wine and need to text someone about Sean Bean… but I’m sad I won’t be able to go for a run, and end up at the Hilst home. The holidays may be ever-so-much-sweeter, though with the travels. 🙂

Other headlines:

Considering adopting a desert tortoise.

Enjoying Facebook – Who knew?

D & D Stands for Delightful and Dang it!… I’m a Nerd

Jordan! Where Have You Been All My Life?

Having Longer Hair … Worth it for the Feeling Pretty

Take Two with the 2nd Roommate???

Snow Patrol – “Crack the Shutters” Sexiest Song Ever!

Reading Leviticus… Because I’m a Weirdo

and… Sub Headline: Who Knew so Many of the Required Sacrifices are Almost Exactly the Same as Each Other?

Getting the Band Back Together: Bible Study with Steve and Lori?

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