Who’s Going to Buy the XBOX One Right Away? And Why Are We Such Chumps?


Cover of "I, Robot (Widescreen Edition)"

Cover of I, Robot (Widescreen Edition)

“Xbox One delivers an entertainment experience like nothing before. Its innovative technology is rivaled only by its iconic design. Sharp corners and clean lines make for a sleek, modern console that complements any decor. Xbox One was designed from the ground up to be the centerpiece of every living room.”

That, there, is the Amazon.com product description of XBOX One… and it makes me think Microsoft is aiming for an I, Robot (the film, not the book) hostile takeover for humanity’s benefit. “The centerpiece of every living room…”????? I’m pretty sure my coffee table is the centerpiece of my living room, and I don’t intend on placing a gaming system in the center of anything. Has the world really changed so much since I was a kid? I guess I see the evolution from the TV being the centerpiece to this XBOX One thing, but shouldn’t the living room be about living?

So I totally get that there has to always be something newer and more awesome so that the corporations can separate me from my $. However, isn’t this whole thing moving a bit too fast to be real life? I have yet to experience the whole Kinect thing, and they’ve already got something brand new? Also, I have two regular XBOX games that I’m still mourning over because the backwards compatibility of the 360 is inadequate… so now they’ve created an even newer and less backwards compatible thing that will probably murder the seven 360 games I currently own? That makes me cranky.

Also, I have yet to pay for the internets at my home, so I don’t get the whole online gaming thing. Isn’t it enough that I play the storyline of the game? Well, I was highly disappointed when I discovered that online multiplayer stuff is the only way to gain access to all of the endings of Mass Effect3! Really?! Come on. I know the CFO fellas would much rather have a 15 yr old gamer who has to have the newest, coolest gadget for every bday and Christmas gift, but really? You’re ruining my gaming experience. Where is the flip-phone version of XBOX, because it’s probably going to be ten years before I’ve worn out all of the possibilities I’m interested in with the 360, at which point, I’ll purchase your XBOX One for quarter price because you will have brought out the 1.o, the Star 98 and the Galactic Awesome versions of XBOX by that time.

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