I went to Phoenix last weekend, and I learned something, so I thought I’d tell you about it.
So… I already knew this before, but when Pastor Aaron talked about it, it hit me as if it was entirely new because I’ve been living as if I didn’t know it.
God is our Lord; we belong to Him. Therefore, He wants to fix us. In a recent sermon, Matt Chandler described it as”His ferocious commitment to making us holy.”
I’ve felt broken lately – not in the normal sense where I’m down in the dumps or sad. Nothing is really going wrong, and there are several things that are going incredibly right… but it’s more like I’m a gadget that’s malfunctioning. I’ve got a relatively neutral feeling when I think about it (although I’ve a discouraged feeling when I’m in the middle of it) , and it’s really weird. My head is malfunctioning. My heart is malfunctioning. My prayers tend to be a futile effort to get God to make my/self make sense to myself. I’ve been trying to convince Him that I need fixing, and it’s urgent, so He should probably get on it.
He hasn’t gotten on it in the way I’d like.
But when I overcome the mental malfunction, I almost understand that He’s on it and I don’t have to convince Him. I belong to Him, and He wants me to work well.
It’s not so difficult for me to believe He’s competent and awesome enough to take care of it, so I have to admit that my struggle is actually to believe He cares to fix me. That’s why I try to convince Him… because I don’t believe He cares for the distress I feel. I don’t believe He uses me regularly enough to have truly noticed my malfunction (like windshield wipers in Tucson). I don’t believe I’m more than a discarded gadget that’s easily replaced.
If only I had a faith the size of a mustard seed.
Just a mustard seed.