Nike Girl: So you’re looking for some shoes for running?
Katie: Yeah. I ran the P.F. Chang’s half last month and lost a couple of toenails because of my shoes.
Nike Girl: Okay. Well, we have these (insert ridiculous hard-core sounding name of shoe type) and these (insert less hard-core shoe name that sounds like a winged mystical creature). What’s your size?
Katie: I think I’m going with nines today. Eight-and-a-halves were what I was wearing when I lost the nails.
Nike Girl: Well, go ahead and sit down and I’ll bring you some to try on.
[Nike Girl brings 3 -4 pairs of shoes and Katie starts to try them on – occasionally jogging around the store in them to make sure they feel right. Katie sits down and takes off the last pair.]
Katie: What about those ones?
Nike Girl: The (insert really hard-core shoe name)?
Katie: Those teal and neon green ones.
Nike Girl: Those are for less serious runners.
Katie: What’s the difference?
Nike Girl: The ones you’ve been trying on are meant for people who run thirty miles a week. The (hard-core shoe name) is more casual.
Katie: Can I try them anyways?
Nike Girl: What race are you doing again.
[Nike Girl is trying not to roll her eyes as Katie tries on the more expensive and less-functional shoes.]
Katie: The Ragnar.
Nike Girl: You really want to make sure you have the right shoes for a race like that.
Katie: I know, right? I’ll look completely epic in these!
Nike Girl: Didn’t you say you lost two toenails at your last race?
[Katie doesn’t answer, but prances around the store for a bit in the teal/neon green (hard-core shoe name)]
Nike Girl: Why don’t you just try these ones on one more time for me? If you don’t like them, I’ll leave you alone.
[She slides off the pretty, epic, light, attractive, non-functional awesome shoes and puts on the inexpensive normal white ones and immediately feels the wonderful padding and support. She frowns.]
Katie: I should probably get these, huh?
[Nike Girl shrugs].
Katie: Fine. [She sighs.] So much for looking awesome in my jeggings and teal/neon shoes… I guess I’ll just have to resign myself to unattractiveness for the race.