Hello comrades! I’m currently in the airport in Houston, waiting for my flight to leave for Asheville. It was originally my intent to post something for you while I’m here, but the internet isn’t cooperating, so I suppose my complete disconnect from the world has already begun. I’ll post this for you when I return to the interwebs (probably in an airport on my return trip). It’s strange how visiting my Grandmother (Nanny) makes me feel more out of touch than I felt when I was in Mongolia.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the impact blogging has had on my life. Mostly, it makes me pay attention to those moments that seem unimportant until I try to tell a story about them. Also, writing every day helps me improve. Recently, though, I’ve been noticing some negative impacts from blogging – the most conspicuous of which is that I don’t feel like anything is really private. I blog about embarrassing things like breaking the kitchen chair and jumping off of a balcony to get a boy’s attention, and I suppose those things were never really a secret because I love telling those stories. The real change in privacy has been how completely I’ve tried to provide access to my relationship with God. I’ve really enjoyed all of the encouragement and insights everyone has shared with me through comments on my posts. However, I hate that I’m starting to become WAY too aware of the need for blog content. Sometimes, I’ll be praying, and I’ll think I should blog about this. And while it’s subtle, I think it’s sort of horrible to interrupt my time with God to think about the blog. I want more time with just me and God. I want to sit quietly without thinking about sharing things publicly.
Mostly this struggle is coming from me being a new blogger, so I’m going to use this week to just sit quietly with God. I think it’s important. I’m going to intentionally back off from the spiritual posts for a bit so that I can worship better – so that my relationship with God doesn’t tread in that dangerous self-serving water of I will use God to make my blog more successful. I think God has already done some amazing, wonderful things with the blog. He’s certainly brought new people into my life and caused me to think more carefully about my relationships with Him and others – so I will come back to posting about Him soon. But for a bit, I’m going to disconnect my spiritual growth from the blog, and I’m going to disconnect myself from usual life.
My absolute favorite time I’ve ever disconnected from the world was when my Mommy and I hiked the Grand Canyon. There’s something really sublime about knowing that you can’t contact anyone. It isn’t that you’re friends & family are unavailable. It’s that there isn’t even any phone reception. When you’re at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, there’s no entertainment, no convenience, no nothing but God, you and whoever you’re with. I’ve hiked other locations, but I’ve never felt as beautifully out of touch as I felt staring up at the stars 11 miles and several hours from everything. I need that again. It occurs to me that running is this same disconnect on smaller scale for me right now, and perhaps that’s what keeps me trying (even though I hate running).
North Carolina isn’t quite the Grand Canyon, but by the time I post this, I hope to be peacefully rejuvenated. I hope all of you find a similar Grand Canyon disconnect and spend some lovely time with Rescuer Jesus.
A toast now to utter disconnect from everything but God.