Unfortunately, I don’t feel like blogging today. Today is about Friend Chris, & I apologize right now that he ended up on a day when I don’t feel like blogging. I stayed up way too late last night talking with Roommate Amy about everything in the whole history of the world, which was good & fun, but now I’m tired. Also, I got up and visited a refugee family this morning, which was also good & fun, but added to the tiredness. So, Friend Chris deserves a much better entry than I’m able to write at this moment, & I apologize!
Let’s start out by saying that Friend Chris is amazing. He has a genuinely good heart, he’s smart, and he’s fun. Friend Chris is also WAY different from me in a million different ways. He’s tall, which is a superficial way that he’s different from me. He’s interested in everything, which is less superficial. And he’s gentle, which is not at all superficial. I’m certainly not as ungentle as I used to be in my life, but I admire that Friend Chris doesn’t seem to force himself to be gentle – it’s his natural response. Mine is self-defense, so any gentleness coming from me is way special. I’d like to be more like Friend Chris in the gentleness area. For example, when I’m explaining something new to another person (like chess or softball) I tend to give my trainee the basic rules, then crush him into the ground & assume that he’ll figure out the finer points on his own. Partly, I do things this way because I like the way it feels when I figure things out on my own and I wouldn’t want to deprive trainee of that feeling, but partly I also do it because I I’m selfish and I like the way it feels to win.
Another thing that I admire about Friend Chris is that he’s not jaded. I don’t know if it’s because he hasn’t been burned as many times as the rest of us, but there’s something pure & trusting about him that I want to reclaim in my own life.
Example: A bunch of us were standing outside of Denny’s waiting for another friend to join us when a kid on a bike rode up and asked if he could borrow a phone. I was actually texting on mine when he asked, so I tried to blend into the background, so as not to have to share… I wasn’t actually being selfish at that moment. I was worried that the kid would get the phone, then jump on his bike & ride away with it. I’m jaded. Friend Chris talked to the kid, loaned him his phone, then talked to him for 15 minutes or so.
I want to do that, but I don’t trust people enough to do that. There’s a fine line between caution & friendliness, & I lean more towards caution. It’s safer to be that way, & that’s the mentality that my parents (and in particular, my dad) wanted me to have, but sometimes it gets in the way of nice moments.
I think I’m going to end there. I told you I don’t feel like blogging 😦 But I hope you all get that Friend Chris is amazing & that I treasure his friendship. It’s not horrible having a tall guy around who I can stand next to while wearing heels & not feel like a BOHEMOTH either.