There really isn’t very much left for me to write in my manuscript. If I’ll just write the climactic ending that I’ve been looking forward to writing for years, it’ll be over, & I’ll be able to rewrite & start querying agents. The problem is that it’ll be over, though.
I haven’t worked on the manuscript in about a week, & I think the reason that it’s hard to finish is that I don’t really want to be finished. Being finished means a bunch of different things. It means that I have to hand the characters I’ve created & loved over to ridicule, I have to start looking at the business side of publishing more often & more seriously than I have been, I have to trust that God is going to do something good for me (even if it isn’t in the form of a book deal), I have to cope with the end of the summer & a return to teaching, etc… REALLY hard to finish.
Besides my fear of actually doing this, I’ve also had a million things to do recently. I had the Phoenix trip, birthday parties to attend, blood to donate, refugees to meet, events to plan, roommates to bond with, and lunches & coffee dates to attend.
Giving blood this past time was really fun. It’s always fun, but this time was particularly enjoyable for me. For those of you who don’t know, I give blood as often as possible. My dad received bunches & bunches of blood when he had Leukemia, & it took bunches of donors to make that possible. So that’s the main reason I give. Also, I have really good veins, I never pass out, & I haven’t ever had a certain virus (I don’t know which one) that keeps some people from being able to give to babies. So, I’m on Baby Brigade, which gives me warm fuzzies all over every time I give. This particular donation time, though, was even more fun than usual, because I got flirted with. Sometimes, I HATE talking to men. They flirt in ways that make me feel crappy & dirty & alone. This wasn’t one of those times. The man flirting with me was probably in his 40s & from England. He kept a respectful distance while still making me feel pretty & smart… Plus, he had the English accent going for him, which is always wonderful.
After giving blood, I did some stuff & talked to some people, then went to friend Shasta’s birthday party. She wanted to watch the new Twilight movie. Ug. But I love her bunches, so I went. Mostly, I hated the movie for all of the reasons I knew that I would. Bella toys with the guys’ hearts, has no personality, & makes really dumb choices. That being said, I am still a girl, & couldn’t help but appreciate the always-shirtless Jacob. It was interesting to think about how Stephanie Meyer has managed to be such a HUGE success. It bothers me more than anyone can really understand that she writes so poorly (sentence level), never develops her main character, neglects plot, & makes millions. I don’t want to write another Twilight, but I do want to be successful. The agent I want just wrote a post over at Kidlit about why there aren’t a whole lot of male protagonists in YA. She says it’s because most YA readers are girls. Twilight feeds off of the YA audience’s urge towards romance & danger, & neglects their minds & every other aspect of identity. That’s what they seem to want. They want to forget EVERYTHING & get lost in a mysterious man with “intense eyes.” My book isn’t that. My book has a male protagonist who cares about a lot of different things, & won’t have much romance until book 3… if I ever even get to write book 3. It’s discouraging to think that the market is ripe for books like Twilight & probably not for books like mine. Maybe that’s why I’m having so much trouble finishing. Who knows? I’m definitely scared to finish, though.