So Hard to Finish!

There really isn’t very much left for me to write in my manuscript.  If I’ll just write the climactic ending that I’ve been looking forward to writing for years, it’ll be over, & I’ll be able to rewrite & start querying agents.  The problem is that it’ll be over, though.

I haven’t worked on the manuscript in about a week, & I think the reason that it’s hard to finish is that I don’t really want to be finished.  Being finished means a bunch of different things.  It means that I have to hand the characters I’ve created & loved over to ridicule, I have to start looking at the business side of publishing more often & more seriously than I have been, I have to trust that God is going to do something good for me (even if it isn’t in the form of a book deal), I have to cope with the end of the summer & a return to teaching, etc… REALLY hard to finish.

Besides my fear of actually doing this, I’ve also had a million things to do recently.  I had the Phoenix trip, birthday parties to attend, blood to donate, refugees to meet, events to plan, roommates to bond with, and lunches & coffee dates to attend.

Giving blood this past time was really fun.  It’s always fun, but this time was particularly enjoyable for me.  For those of you who don’t know, I give blood as often as possible.  My dad received bunches & bunches of blood when he had Leukemia, & it took bunches of donors to make that possible.  So that’s the main reason I give.  Also, I have really good veins, I never pass out, & I haven’t ever had a certain virus (I don’t know which one) that keeps some people from being able to give to babies.  So, I’m on Baby Brigade, which gives me warm fuzzies all over every time I give.  This particular donation time, though, was even more fun than usual, because I got flirted with.  Sometimes, I HATE talking to men.  They flirt in ways that make me feel crappy & dirty & alone.  This wasn’t one of those times.  The man flirting with me was probably in his 40s & from England.  He kept a respectful distance while still making me feel pretty & smart… Plus, he had the English accent going for him, which is always wonderful.

After giving blood, I did some stuff & talked to some people, then went to friend Shasta’s birthday party.  She wanted to watch the new Twilight movie.  Ug. But I love her bunches, so I went.  Mostly, I hated the movie for all of the reasons I knew that I would.  Bella toys with the guys’ hearts, has no personality, & makes really dumb choices.  That being said, I am still a girl, & couldn’t help but appreciate the always-shirtless Jacob.  It was interesting to think about how Stephanie Meyer has managed to be such a HUGE success.  It bothers me more than anyone can really understand that she writes so poorly (sentence level), never develops her main character, neglects plot, & makes millions.  I don’t want to write another Twilight, but I do want to be successful.  The agent I want just wrote a post over at Kidlit about why there aren’t a whole lot of male protagonists in YA.  She says it’s because most YA readers are girls.  Twilight feeds off of the YA audience’s urge towards romance & danger, & neglects their minds & every other aspect of identity.  That’s what they seem to want.  They want to forget EVERYTHING & get lost in a mysterious man with “intense eyes.”  My book isn’t that.  My book has a male protagonist who cares about a lot of different things, & won’t have much romance until book 3… if I ever even get to write book 3.  It’s discouraging to think that the market is ripe for books like Twilight & probably not for books like mine.  Maybe that’s why I’m having so much trouble finishing.  Who knows?  I’m definitely scared to finish, though.


3 thoughts on “So Hard to Finish!

  1. Hello Kathryn,

    I stumbled across your blog looking for some business advice but had to leave a comment because I know exactly how you feel. I was reluctant to kick-start a business I knew I should have years ago because of the changes that would occur. I finally got it off the ground and its a real “weight off my shoulders”.

    If I were you I wouldn’t think of writing the ending as the end of the book. The next phase is really another chapter in your book where your story will be shared with the world. Some people will criticize it but other will be moved by it and that is more important. I think your sense of accomplishment will overwhelm any fears you may have of ridicule or sudden change.

    Be sure to keep us all updated on your progress so we can know when to get the book. Good luck.

  2. I always hated people reading my writing in school. I hated peer editing. I hated reading my writing aloud, Pretty much anything that shares my writing I hate. It must be really scary to put something out there that you have poured your whole self into.

    The Twilight movie might be the worst movie ever made. I’m not kidding. There is no plot, it’s slow moving, and it doesn’t make sense how everything ties together. Also, the colors are all messed with and everyone looks blue. That my comment on the Twilight movie. 🙂


  3. You should finish the book! While a lot of young readers are looking for quick, easy, emotionally driven entertainment, there is an audience, even in young adults, that will appreciate a well written book that requires them to think and not just rely on hormonal response. Even if your book isn’t widely popular, having it be critically aclaimed would be worth having it out there. I can’t ever see you writing a book that panders to a low level audience just to make money, so, if you are going to write, you will have to write the good stuff.

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