English: This is used to pee in the bathroom. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When you gotta go, you gotta go, right?

Not to turn Still Growing into a crass, poopy place, but, as my friend Maria says, “It’s natural.”

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5. Parks - So, the stalls may not have doors on them… at least I know I won’t make the situation worse than it already is. Just make sure you keep some TP on hand in the car at all times.

4. Fry’s Marketplace - I’m not sure why, but I’ve used this one several times. Positive: there are rarely other people in there, so it’s relatively private in contrast with some other public washrooms.

3. The Student Bathroom at Work – This one’s weird, I know, but if I use the teacher bathroom, everyone knows it was me and I win the “Don’t Go in There After Me” Dundie Award. Also, it cracks me up how teen girls act about poop, so I like the feeling that I’m educating students about the real world by using their bathroom with none of their timidity and shame.

2. Barns & Noble – I’m not really sure why, but it seems like everyone poops at B&N. You just have to watch Mean Girls to realize that even the plastics do their business there.

1. Starbucks – Okay, so Starbucks is number one in my book for just about everything, but you have to admit that their bathrooms are always clean enough that I’m not grossed out, but never really clean enough that I’d feel guilty about doing something serious in there. Also, you get your own private room rather than having to deal with stalls.

Wow. After attempting to make this list, I realize that public number twos stink (pun intended). I only came up with half as many locations as I thought I’d have .

You’ll have to fill in the blanks for me. What are the other top 5 spots for a public number two?

dreaming of your teeth falling out wtf lols (Photo credit: v i p e z)

As I read through the stats on this here blog, it cracks me up to see what people are searching for that brings them here. The most common search people do is “What to say at a Baptism” and that one isn’t funny at all. Still Growing is a pretty common one as well, but with all of the SEO (Search Engine Optimization) mumbo jumbo, I thought it might be fun to give you a list of my favorite search terms that lead people here to my little piece of the interwebs.

10. Plan Flit (52 people searched that one), Panflit (33), Pan-Flit (3), What is a Pan Flit (3) and Pan Flits (6)

Really, people? A Pan Flit isn’t anything. It’s PAMPHLET!!!!! Pamphlet. It’s a good thing my post comes up as the top one for this so that people can see the error of their ways.

9. Barbie Disney Mulan (2), Mulan Barbie (29), Walmart Mulan Barbie (2) or Barbie Mulan (21)

8. Holding Hands (12)

Awwwwwe!!!!! I really hope those twelve searches came from twelve teenagers who feel awkward about taking that adorable step of affection and were hoping for help. My post doesn’t even make it onto the first page of that search, but there’s a nice Wiki 10 Step thing for How to Hold Hands.

7. Teeth Falling Out (9), Fallen Out Tooth (2), Dentist Full Out the Teeth (2), Teeth Wallpaper (2), OV Teeth (2), Losing Teeth Wallpapers (2), Dreams of Teeth Falling Out (2) and Teeth Falling Out Dream (6)

I knew I wasn’t the only one who has that dream!

6. Things to Do with Instant Pudding (3)

Other than eating it???? I don’t want to know what those three people were looking for.

5. Velveteen Rabbit Bible Study (3)

Do people really do that? I guess I could see doing some sort of study with kiddos about how once you become real (called.saved) you can never become unreal again, or something like that, but The Velveteen Rabbit is SUPER sad and not super theological. I haven’t read or watched it in at least a decade, but I’m not sure this sort of study is a good idea.

4. Can You Kill Carth (3), Can You Kill Carth Onasi (2), How to Kill Carth Onasi (2) Is There Any Way to Turn Carth to the Dark Side (1) and Kill Carth (2)

It seems nine of those people hated Carth and one of them was like me… trying to keep from having to kill him, even if that meant turning him to the dark side.

3. Jaisio Sta (3)

I have no idea what those three people were hoping to find. Jaisio Sta was just one of those things I had to type into a box to prove that I wasn’t a robot.

2. Sexposition (43), Sex Position Exposition (3), and Sex Position (3)

Forty-nine people found my blog because they were looking for help with their sex positions? That’s why Search Engine Optimization is stupid and unpredictable. There are no such instructions here, but if there were, my blog title would take on a whole new meaning, eh?

1. Chicken Cheeto Sandwich Tower (2)

I truly hope the two people on this particular quest found overwhelming success.

Reblogged from Cute Overload:

Cover of I, Robot (Widescreen Edition)

“Xbox One delivers an entertainment experience like nothing before. Its innovative technology is rivaled only by its iconic design. Sharp corners and clean lines make for a sleek, modern console that complements any decor. Xbox One was designed from the ground up to be the centerpiece of every living room.”

That, there, is the Amazon.com product description of XBOX One… and it makes me think Microsoft is aiming for an I, Robot (the film, not the book) hostile takeover for humanity’s benefit. “The centerpiece of every living room…”????? I’m pretty sure my coffee table is the centerpiece of my living room, and I don’t intend on placing a gaming system in the center of anything. Has the world really changed so much since I was a kid? I guess I see the evolution from the TV being the centerpiece to this XBOX One thing, but shouldn’t the living room be about living?

So I totally get that there has to always be something newer and more awesome so that the corporations can separate me from my $. However, isn’t this whole thing moving a bit too fast to be real life? I have yet to experience the whole Kinect thing, and they’ve already got something brand new? Also, I have two regular XBOX games that I’m still mourning over because the backwards compatibility of the 360 is inadequate… so now they’ve created an even newer and less backwards compatible thing that will probably murder the seven 360 games I currently own? That makes me cranky.

Also, I have yet to pay for the internets at my home, so I don’t get the whole online gaming thing. Isn’t it enough that I play the storyline of the game? Well, I was highly disappointed when I discovered that online multiplayer stuff is the only way to gain access to all of the endings of Mass Effect3! Really?! Come on. I know the CFO fellas would much rather have a 15 yr old gamer who has to have the newest, coolest gadget for every bday and Christmas gift, but really? You’re ruining my gaming experience. Where is the flip-phone version of XBOX, because it’s probably going to be ten years before I’ve worn out all of the possibilities I’m interested in with the 360, at which point, I’ll purchase your XBOX One for quarter price because you will have brought out the 1.o, the Star 98 and the Galactic Awesome versions of XBOX by that time.

And rather than being bothered by this guy’s inability to hit the high notes, I was more annoyed that he didn’t know the words, but I have to give him props for fearlessly continuing on regardless.

“You said that I was not even,”?????

Dude, get the lyrics right; it’s, “You said that I was  NAIVE…”