Boredom Prohibited

The Karate Kid (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A student yesterday attempted to persuade me that the Karate Kid’s captivating,

courage-inflating,

killer Crane Kick requires the use of just one of his legs.

“That’s not even physically possible!” I disputed. “It was movie magic slight of hand…

You were distracted by the other guy as Karate Kid went to land!”

My student protested with all the logos an upper-middle class freshman can muster

and said, “How do you know? Have you ever even tried it?” and though I was flustered,

I told the sad truth…

“Oh, you bet I have, way back in the glory days of my youth!”

My student stared bewildered, because he knew what we all know -

that it’s lame to be bored, nay, it’s the lowest of low,

and adults aren’t allowed to spend their time

doing anything other than earning a dime!

And yet, I awoke this morning with the same sense of sad, slow, sauntering slink

that captured me during the crane-kicking, late summer mornings of teenage angst and not sleeping a wink.

And, so, rather than perfecting my “You just try to sweep the damn leg!”super-skilz,

I did what we adults do when we’ve nothing we should do because we’ve already paid the bills,

I cleaned the bathroom, completed the fat-busting, tummy-toning Biggest Loser workout on DVD with Bob,

I cooked an egg-white breakfast, obsessively tended my miracle-grown garden, and thought about putting in some extra time on the job.

But weekend grading is for those other teachers, you see,

the ones whose lives revolve around committees, rubrics, and essays, but that’s certainly not me.

I’m not at all like that; my life is so very much fuller, funner, and downright fetch…

that guy who’s at work right now – he’s a poor, pitiable wretch.

But I – I have so much more to keep me going, things that I must do,

and besides, I have yet today to even have my regular, daily, late-morning poo.

I haven’t laid out for fifteen minutes on each side, perfecting my, I-have-a-wedding-to-attend-next-month, almost effortless summertime hue.

I haven’t painted, then painted, then repainted my Impressionistic, “Starry Night” rip-off of Vincent’s enveloping, swirling blue.

Then, of course, there’s Starbucks, because caffeinated, repressed boredom has never once led a girl astray,

and I’ll certainly be more able to finish reading those nine books on my to-do list today,

once I dump

a 3-pump,

non-fat, no-whip white mocha of $4.64 mood-bump

into my bloodstream. Of course, I’ll grab a table intended for four

and spread out computer, coffee, books, lip-gloss, research, and more.

Then I’ll write a clever, poetic blog rhyme,

and download free music from the library, since I have the time.

Besides, I’ve been meaning to edit Weston’s 42-song,

excessively long

playlist and soundtrack,

because it’s impossible, overwhelming, panicky stupidity to write when I lack

inspiration. And though there is absolutely no relief

for adult-onset boredom, I’m a writer who acts on the belief

that I must write when I can, and it’s not worthy of my craft

to spend a day feeling bored when I could instead draft

the newest, shiniest manuscript that will one day become

the great, 21st Century American novel that can’t fail to change some

every

single

reader who awoke this morning feeling that terrible, horrible bore

that can only be defeated by the characters we adore.

And so… I WILL WRITE, because for we writers, boredom is prohibited

and Weston needs me to help him exist even if only in a limited,

fictional, on-the-page sort of way,

because, in his world, there isn’t a single bored, crane-kicking day.

 

Sadly, Jesus isn’t ALWAYS the Correct Answer…

Jesus Walks on the Sea (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This year at work, I’ve had an odd influx of students completing book projects about the Bible. I think they’re under the impression that going to church every Sunday earns them ‘A’s on anything church-related. However, very few of them actually follow through and READ the Bible before turning their projects in.

Student: “Is it alright if I do this quarter’s book project on the Bible?”

Ms. James: “Absolutely. However, you probably want to narrow it down a bit because the Bible is a pretty long book. You should pick a few books out of the Bible and just focus on those. Which books do you most want to read?”

Student: “I don’t know - probably the psalms and maybe Acts.”

Ms. James: “Okay, well you need to make sure you still read the same number of pages as the rest of your peers, and you need to actually read it, because I’m shockingly familiar with the Bible and WILL notice if you don’t read.”

Student: “My dad’s a pastor… I think I got this.” (Oh, the hubris of that little snot!)

Eight weeks later, student turns in his project. Let’s say the assignment is to create a new and original book jacket for the book and write a page explaining how that jacket represents the story and its theme. Student turns in a neon pink sheet of paper with a Google image of Jesus walking on water. Then, he writes:  ”The theme of the Bible is that anything can overcome a greater force by what they believe in.” The student goes on to write that “Jesus looks at you with his deep eyes saying that he believes in you.”

While that’s very touching, and works well with the younger kids in VBS, I have to give this project a zero. And I feel pretty bad about it, but, come on, kid. You said you were reading the psalms and Acts… Jesus doesn’t walk on water in either of those books. In fact, Jesus doesn’t really show up in the flesh in either of those books. Additionally, the theme you’ve written is in complete opposition to what Jesus actually says… He says that HE is the force that overcomes, right?

So… sometimes we churchgoers like to make fun of ourselves, because anytime a leader or pastor asks us something and we aren’t sure about the answer, we tentatively say, “Jesus???” with a coy grin, which is essentially what these kids are turning in for their book projects… but, sadly, Jesus isn’t always the right answer. Sometimes, it’s important to actually read the Bible, comprehend it, and remember.

 

Lessons From Your Child’s English Teacher…

English: This figure illustrates the function of the Everyday Parenting curriculum (EPC). “FCU” in this figure refers to The Family Check Up which utilizes the Everyday Parenting curriculum. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Being a single girl who’s hardly even babysat, I won’t pretend that I know much about parenting. However, here’s a list of what I’m seeing from the outside looking in.

 

5. Get your child a planner and check it every day. The primary reason students fail classes is because they don’t know what’s due and when (neither do they care because they don’t have any accountability for turning assignments in). Keeping a written schedule will be helpful to your child for the rest of his life, and it will aid you in the relationship. Instead of asking what your son did in school today, go over his planner with him. It’s a lot more difficult for him to say, “Nothing,” if his allowance/tv or computer privileges is attached to your knowledge of his classes. Also, you can say things like, “What’s Ender’s Game?” which narrows the conversation down for your kid and gives him something specific to talk about so that he doesn’t have to generate his own topic. It also keeps him from feeling quite so defensive because all he remembers about he day is how so-and-so got caught doing something naughty, but he certainly can’t tell you that.

 

4.Read. You son or daughter needs your help to believe that reading is valuable, “cool”, and worthwhile. You are the only person who can lay the foundation. Kids are forced into a peer group that is hostile to everything requiring effort and delayed gratification, both of which factor into reading… but if your child is 100% sure that you love and value reading, he or she will be forced to make a judgment call about books before the “too cool for school” classmates express their judgments.

 

3. Earn and require your son or daughter’s respect. The second you give up on this battle, your child will begin disrespecting every authority in his or her life. He or she will be rude to me, school administrators, and future bosses.

 

2. Your daughter needs you to spend money and time on her wardrobe. If you buy her classy clothes that also make her look and feel pretty, she will wear those and be happy. If you do not, she will borrow or steal the most scandalous mini-skirt in the history of the world, and she will sit unashamedly with her bra straps visible to the hormone-driven idiot who sits behind her. He won’t be able to think about anything other than her bra throughout the hour or so he’s in my class, and if he can get away with touching your daughter’s bra, he will.

 

1. Your child does not need a cell phone, and you certainly shouldn’t be texting your kid while he or she is at school. Kids don’t make good choices with their phones, even given a perfect example from you. However, your example of disrespect toward teachers and education will transfer to your offspring in a way that cripples him or her for life. If you text during your kid’s classes, you may as well type in: “You have permission to use your phone during English today and forever,” because that’s what your child takes away from every. single. text. he or she receives from you during my class.

 

 

Howdy, folks.

I’ve gotten pretty bad about posting regularly lately, but you’ll have to forgive me because I’m now a home-owner. That’s right – buying a house is shockingly time-consuming, but I want you to know that I’m incandescently happy now that I’m in the house, and I will hopefully be a little less absent from the interwebs.

So… life update:

1. I’ve been attending a new bible study, which has been pretty spectacular thus far. We’re reading some J.I. Packer together, which fills my theology tank. Also, everyone is young and a little less depressing than those who attend the other bible studies offered at my church. Because they’re young, the world is their oyster and they aren’t afraid to hope. Since I’m rather walled off to the softer emotions involved in humanity, it’s good for me to be around others who aren’t… because the people I worship with will undoubtedly rub off on me a bit.

2. The Ragnar Relay is just around the corner, which means I need to get training and fund-raising. This year, we’re running Southern Cal, which is SOOOOOO exciting. Also, I ran my first trail race today… a 10K, and although I didn’t run it poorly, I definitely came in dead last. Forget the fact that there were only 11 people running my distance; last place sucks. So I need to get serious and train so as to feel awesome.

3. I’ve been enjoying teaching a bit again. For awhile there, I we pretty depressed about my job. It didn’t matter how well I taught, I looked at my students and wanted them all to go away. I was irritable, impatient, etc… and I probably wasn’t too much fun to be around. Teaching is super difficult, so I suppose I’m not all that upset with myself, but I’m glad to be upbeat again.

4. Big Bang Theory is pretty much the greatest TV show ever! I’m rather enjoying Leonard, Sheldon and Penny, and watching them reminds me that Phoenix Comicon is coming soon, and I need to get on making plans for that.

5. I’ve recently been reminded of how blessed I am to have friends… and not just friends, but REALLY good ones. I’ve been struggling lately with anxiety about stupid things and disappointment in my life. It’s not that I wish I had a hilltop mansion and a few ponies…. I just feel a little disillusioned. I’m less than I thought I was. I’m not good at the things I wish I was perfect at, and while I know it’s pretty normal for people to have flaws and imperfections, but I struggle to face myself unless I’m the best at everything. (Yes, it’s horrible vanity that I ever thought I was so completely awesome). But, as I look at the people who give of themselves to care for me, I’m forced to trust that I am loved regardless of the many ways I’m lacking.

I hope all is well with you, and that you’re gearing up for Rodeo Break next week… for those of you who aren’t aware, we Tucsonans DO NOT celebrate President’s Day with rest from work because we’d much rather have a few days off for the RODEO!

Bam!

Much love,

Kathryn Leigh

 

 

The Inconsequential Ending

I’ve been thinking recently about the proper process for writing a book review. I wrote a review on Goodreads a few weeks back, and someone I don’t know responded with a bit of criticism because I hadn’t finished reading the book before reviewing it. I frequently review books without having finished them, and I actually believe it’s a good practice.

In the review in question, I mentioned that I hadn’t finished reading the book and didn’t intend to, and therefore, it may not have been a valid representation of the book as a whole. I believe that sort of feedback is more beneficial to prospective readers than reviews in which we struggle tirelessly through the bog of purple prose and nonredeemable characters. Often, if I push myself to finish a book I’m hating, I end up ranting all over the interwebs and to everyone I know about how horrible every aspect of the book is. On the other hand, if I tell readers that I didn’t finish because I didn’t like it, I’m usually more constructive in my criticisms because I don’t feel like I’ve wasted hours of my life reading sub-par work.

Also, I’m just not sure I believe endings are very important.

If, as a teacher, I lecture on how the writing process is at least equally as important to becoming a good writer as the product is, then I also have to believe that the journey is at least equally as important as the destination in other areas of study and life.

I’ve written before about how difficult vulnerability is for me because of the uncertainty of outcomes. And yet, I believe vulnerability is one of the noblest actions of the human experience. Similarly, if a book is worthwhile, the ending is of little importance. What matters is the characters, their desires, their tribulations, and the world they live in. While finishing well is important, a well-run race that ends in defeat doesn’t suddenly become a poorly-run race (unless we’re considering the spiritual realm of heaven and hell here… so don’t think of this too theologically or it won’t work), nor does an amazing story transform into a mediocre one because it ends badly.

Think of poor Frodo’s journey to Mordor.

What if he’d died? What if Sauron had won and covered Middle Earth in a second darkness? Does the rest of the story become a waste? Should Frodo have stayed in the Shire without even trying?

And think of Harry.

What if Voldemort had killed him? Would that mean that Lilly’s sacrifice was stupid? Would it mean that she should have let her son be murdered so that she could be “the woman who lived”?

Of course not.

We all agree that it’s more important to try. We all agree that certain journeys must be attempted, and the while the outcome matters, it doesn’t dictate the choices we make about setting out to destroy the Death Star.

Therefore, I often write book reviews before I know how stories end. For, if I’m unable to estimate the book’s value prior to the ending, it musn’t be a very worthwhile book, because the value of the journey is based entirely on its success or failure. The best journeys justify themselves, as do the best books. They don’t need perfect endings if the journey was worthwhile to begin with, and I’ve never read an excellent book in which the ending significantly altered my judgment of the book as a whole. Never.